The restaurant trade in the winter months can be like the proverbial fiddler's elbow, a bit up and down. So it was on a quiet night as the snow was falling, the temperature outside was well below brass monkey weather and any customers would be thinking twice about getting the snow shoes and huskies out to travel a few miles to the restaurant. Dan the young chef, was just about to make a hasty retreat ,fearing  the snow which was coming down  quite heavy by now and the thoughts of having to stay the night.  The thoughts of having to sleep on the kitchen floor, if we were snowed in, was starting to be a concern to him. As he made his move to vacate at all speed, there came the sounds of William Tell, from some thing concealed within his clothing. After a few minutes trying to locate the pocket that contained his mobile phone and a short conversation with the person on the other end the gist of the phone call was relayed to me. "Is there any chance of me taking a pint of milk as supplies have run dry at home and its snowing and all that, ok?" With milk firmly in his hand Dan make his escape and within a short while he was on his way home.
What a wonderful thing the mobile phone is, it has of course transformed people's lives especially when walking around your favourite supermarket and you have to phone home, what are those crisps you want? Oh do you want any cheese or have we got plenty ? Or it can be great fun if used on a cold winter's night and you wish to speak to a commis chef and ask him to ask chef if its ok to have a pint of milk.
Driving home that night the time was passed away by a program on the car radio. It was all about our local hero Lord Nelson, and my thoughts turned to living in the years when Nelson was around, being a true Norfolk boy, (like me is} I wondered if he spoke with a good old Norfolk twang? If not it would still be hard to avoid a few of the Norfolk words to mingle in with his educated spoken word," has your father got a dickey" and "come on let's be having you", not to mention" hang you hard boy" must at times have slipped into the conversation. In those days the art of writing and sending information from Norfolk to London was achieved with the aid of a very old and easy to catch Norfolk turkey and a stage coach pulled by four horses. The turkey, or to be more precise the large tail feathers of the bird were perfect for making your pen, and after a short chase around the garden the letter writer could if he was nimble obtain a good supply.
The conditions aboard ship as you were sailing off to do battle with the Spanish and French must have been a bit cramped to say the least. Of course no refrigeration in those days, I expect that most of the meat would have been salted, or pickled in some kind of brine. Naturally the crew would have required feeding and after many weeks away from England living on dried ships biscuits and salted and dried meats must have done wonders in the Y fronts department. Although this diet became boring after a few weeks the last thing the ship's company would wish to hear  from the crow's nest is some one that's trying to make a name for himself, "Hey you lot down there , yes you wearing that fancy red jacket and sporting an eye patch, have I got news for you, Chef's run out of food." So after that little titbit of news had hit the fan chef would not have been the most popular man on the ship and for the poor chap with only two poles with coloured flags attached to signal his dilemma, the use of the mobile phone would have been very handy if he had one. But it was not to be, if only he could have replenished his food stocks all would have been hunky dory, but sadly not, it was not long before he was asked very politely if he would join the captain for drinks in his cabin. "Run out, what do you mean you have run out? You had plenty of supplies when we left Portsmouth ten weeks ago. Stand up straight man when I am talking to you." Of course it would have been hard for chef to acquire an upright posture as at the time he was being pinned to the floor by four irate sailors and the ship's cat that for some reason had decided to add his five pennies worth  just for luck. "You know what you have done, chef, you blithering idiot, what's your explanation?" " Well captain its like this, I haven't been feeling too well lately I put it down to eating a tad too much salted pork, but apart from that captain I do have this little feeling in the back of my mind, its what we chefs in the trade call up the river without a paddle or words to that affect, captain." With the ship stranded without wind, fifty miles from the nearest port, and one hundred sailors to feed, the words of chef feeding the crew had just taken on a whole new meaning.
I suppose that Nelson would have been more than pleased in a battle to have made use of any tools of up to date warfare. Can't you just see the Victory sailing into battle armed with satellite navigation, rockets that are capable of hitting a target no bigger than a sixpence, laser guns, and just think of the advantages of having a man in the crows nest with a machine gun, it would without a doubt give you a slight one up man ship on your foe, and just to make sure you did not have to duck from a ten pound lump of metal whistling past your ear hole, how about adding a few l2inch guns to your ship, and so with all this hi tech the battle would have been sorted and Nelson could have returned in time to see the lady of his life just in time for tea and crumpets...

Take from the ship's stores 6oz butter or margarine, 6oz castor sugar, 3 large eggs plus one egg yolk, one tablespoon of strong coffee, 6 oz of self raising flour, 3 oz finely chopped walnuts. That's for your cake mix; now for the filling: 4oz butter, 8oz icing sugar, one tablespoon milk, and lastly for the frosting you will be required to make up a runny icing sugar glaze plus a few lightly chopped walnuts to garnish the cake with. 

Start by creaming the butter or margarine and sugar until soft and light, beat in the 3 eggs plus the yolk and coffee, fold in the flour and the finely chopped walnuts. Grease two 8inch sandwich tins and divide the mixture between the two; bake in the centre of your oven at 375F or mark 4, or 5, for approximately 25 minutes until firm to the touch. Turn out and cool on a wire tray. When cool split the cake if you wish into four layers and spread with a filling made by creaming the butter and icing sugar together and add the milk for a rich filling. Once this has been done put the cake back together and finally when you have mixed up your icing sugar with a little water gently smooth this over and around your cake and before the icing sets arrange a good amount of walnuts on the top.

Colin Rushmore