The restaurant trade in the winter months can be like the
proverbial fiddler's elbow, a
bit up and down. So it was on a quiet night as the snow was falling,
the
temperature outside was well below brass monkey weather and any customers would be thinking
twice about getting the snow shoes and huskies out to travel a few miles to the
restaurant. Dan the young chef, was just about to make a hasty retreat
,fearing the snow which was
coming down quite heavy by now and the thoughts of having to stay the night.
The thoughts of having to sleep on the kitchen floor, if we were snowed in, was
starting to be a concern to him. As he made his move to vacate at all speed, there came the sounds of William Tell,
from some thing concealed within his clothing. After a few minutes
trying to locate
the pocket that contained his mobile phone and a short conversation with the
person on the other end the gist of the phone call was relayed to
me. "Is there any
chance of me taking a pint of milk as supplies have run dry at home and its snowing
and all that, ok?" With milk firmly in his hand Dan make his escape and within a short
while he was on his way home.
What a wonderful thing the mobile phone is, it has of course transformed
people's
lives especially when walking around your favourite supermarket and you have to
phone home, what are those crisps you want? Oh do you want any cheese or have we
got plenty ? Or it can be great fun if used on a cold winter's night and you wish to
speak to a commis chef and ask him to ask chef if its ok to have a pint of
milk.
Driving home that night the time was passed away by a program on the car
radio. It
was all about our local hero Lord Nelson, and my thoughts turned to living in the
years when Nelson was around, being a true Norfolk boy, (like me is}
I wondered if
he spoke with a good old Norfolk twang? If not it would still be hard to avoid a few of
the Norfolk words to mingle in with his educated spoken word," has your
father got
a dickey" and "come on let's be having you", not to mention" hang you hard boy"
must at times have slipped into the conversation. In those days the art of writing and
sending information from Norfolk to London was achieved with the aid of a very old and easy to
catch Norfolk turkey and a stage coach pulled by four horses. The turkey, or to be
more precise the large tail feathers of the bird were perfect for making your pen, and after a short chase around the garden the letter writer could if he was
nimble obtain a good supply.
The conditions aboard ship as you were sailing off to do battle with the Spanish and
French must have been a bit cramped to say the least. Of course no
refrigeration in those days, I expect that most of the meat would have been salted, or pickled in some
kind of brine. Naturally the crew would have required feeding and after many weeks away
from England living on dried ships biscuits and salted and dried meats must
have done wonders in the Y fronts department. Although this diet became boring
after a few weeks the last thing the ship's company would wish to hear
from the crow's nest is some one that's trying to make a name for himself,
"Hey you lot down
there , yes you wearing that fancy red jacket and sporting an eye patch, have I got
news for you, Chef's run out of food." So after that little
titbit of news had hit the fan
chef would not have been the most popular man on the ship and for the poor chap with only
two poles with coloured flags attached to signal his dilemma, the use of the mobile
phone would have been very handy if he had one. But it was not to be, if only he
could have replenished his food stocks all would have been hunky dory, but
sadly not, it was not long before he was asked very politely if he would join the
captain for drinks in his cabin. "Run out, what do you mean you have run
out? You
had plenty of supplies when we left Portsmouth ten weeks ago.
Stand up straight
man when I am talking to you." Of course it would have been hard for chef to acquire
an upright posture as at the time he was being pinned to the floor by four
irate sailors
and the ship's cat that for some reason had decided to add his five pennies worth
just for luck. "You know what you have done, chef, you blithering idiot,
what's your
explanation?" " Well captain its like this, I haven't been feeling too well lately I put it
down to eating a tad too much salted pork, but apart from that captain I do have this
little feeling in the back of my mind, its what we chefs in the trade call up the river
without a paddle or words to that affect, captain." With the ship stranded without wind, fifty miles from the nearest port, and one
hundred sailors to feed, the words of chef feeding the crew had just taken
on a whole new
meaning.
I suppose that Nelson would have been more than pleased
in a battle to have made use of any tools of up to date warfare.
Can't you just see the Victory sailing into
battle armed with satellite navigation, rockets that are capable of hitting a target no
bigger than a sixpence, laser guns, and just think of the advantages of having a man
in the crows nest with a machine gun, it would without a doubt give you a slight
one up man ship on your foe, and just to make sure you did not have to duck from a
ten pound lump of metal whistling past your ear hole, how about adding a few l2inch
guns to your ship, and so with all this hi tech the battle would have been sorted and
Nelson could have returned in time to see the lady of his life just in time for tea and
crumpets...
Entertaining Economically
What every chef should know, and how to smooth over a motley crew
Coffee Walnut Layer Cake
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Take from the ship's stores 6oz butter
or margarine, 6oz castor sugar, 3 large eggs
plus one egg yolk, one tablespoon of strong coffee, 6 oz of self raising flour, 3 oz finely
chopped walnuts. That's for your cake mix; now for the filling: 4oz butter, 8oz
icing sugar, one tablespoon milk, and lastly for the frosting you will be required
to make up a runny icing sugar glaze plus a few lightly chopped walnuts to garnish
the cake with.
Start by creaming the butter or margarine and sugar until soft and light, beat in the
3 eggs plus the yolk and coffee, fold in the flour and the finely chopped walnuts.
Grease two 8inch sandwich tins and divide the mixture between the two; bake in the
centre of your oven at 375F or mark 4, or 5, for approximately 25 minutes until firm
to the touch. Turn out and cool on a wire tray. When cool split the cake if you wish
into four layers and spread with a filling made by creaming the butter and icing sugar
together and add the milk for a rich filling. Once this has been done put the cake
back together and finally when you have mixed up your icing sugar with a little water gently
smooth this over and around your cake and before the icing sets arrange a good
amount of walnuts on the top.
Colin Rushmore
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